Journey, Misheard

One of the funniest websites to peruse when the internet seems to be asleep, and nobody but spambots hawking discount Cialis or degrees-at-home are emailing you, and your Facebook friends have stopped posting lost animals for the night, is Misheard Lyrics.

I just read through the Journey ones. Some are so lame that I wonder if the listener had their hearing aid in backwards, or possibly just posted the lyrics to be funny, but others are very appropriate in retrospect. That is, if you know (and oft make fun of) the history of the band.

"Don't Stop Believin'"

Misheard Lyrics:

Working hard to get my meal
Everybody wants a grill

Original Lyrics:

Working hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill

"Anytime"

Misheard Lyrics:

Moo anytime that you want meat
Moo anytime that you need meat.

Original Lyrics:

Ooh, anytime that you want me
Ooh, anytime that you need me.

Steve Perry was a vegetarian for a long time after getting food poisoning from hamburgers. Twice. I'm sure all the ground beef recalls have sent him back into the garden.

"Escape"

Misheard Lyrics:

They're making laws, but they don't understand
What turns a boy into a farting man

Original Lyrics:

They're making laws, but they don't understand
Turns a boy into a fighting man

It's all the beans from going veggie. Obviously.

"Ask The Lonely"

Misheard Lyrics:

When your feeling loads of hair

Original Lyrics:

When you're feeling love's unfair

Perry was also known for his hair, which has fluctuated between long, mullet, even longer, spiked, and most recently, haphazard defiance-of-age-via-Miss Clairol. After cutting it once, he was quoted as saying he was "saving a fortune on cream rinse." Meanwhile, thousands of Perryloons wept over the loss of their Samsonesque idol.

"Don't Stop Believin'"

Misheard Lyrics:

Some will win, some will lose, some are going to drink some booze

Original Lyrics:

Some will win, some will lose, some were born to sing the blues

"Don't Stop Believin'"

Misheard Lyrics:

Brain damage, wasted
Comin' down the boulevard.

Original Lyrics:

Strangers, waitin'
Up and down the boulevard.

"I'll Be Alright Without You"

Misheard Lyrics:

I'll need a ride without you.
There'll be someone else,
I keep telling myself

Original Lyrics:

I'll be alright without you.
They'll be someone else,
I keep telling myself

On-tour band stereotypes aside, Perry also had a little love affair with the bottle. Or maybe it was drugs. Either way, the Raised on Radio tour was a hot mess of hairspray, torn jeans, and an occasional vague and confusing interview with Perry, leaving his fans to say WTF? and decipher meanings on their own using their Secret Perry Decoder Rings (free with 5 proofs of purchase from McCormick Ground Cumin.) Most insisted he was just profound. Uh-huh. There's a reason you don't see RoR live concerts on video. Perry doesn't remember doing them. (We can only hope that someday, when he cleans out his closet, he'll find a box containing a can of Aquanet and a bunch of concert reels and say WHOA! Barry Manilow live! This is GOLD! and release them, but don't hold your breath.)

"Open Arms"

Misheard Lyrics:

Hoping to hide the mean words I said.

Original Lyrics:

Nothing to hide, I mean what I say.

"I never really felt like part of the band." I don't think there's any way that could be taken out of context, despite his insistence. Maybe Neal didn't share his Cheetos during a late-night munchies attack. Or, the other band members were just jealous that Perry never felt the need to stuff his pants like they did. (I suspect he was ostracized due to all the bean farts, myself.)

Misheard Lyrics:

It's kissing the derrière.

Original Lyrics:

It's kissing the day.

There's a lot of that going on in the music biz. And no amount of it will get Perry to rejoin the group (again).

Bonus:

"Oh Sherrie"

Misheard Lyrics:

But you filled me with the fever
For the flavor of Pringles in nose elves.

Original Lyrics:

But you know that there's a fever
Oh that you'll never find nowhere else.

I have no words.