We didn't really do much today. Hung around the house, washed some clothes, then went for a ride around the back roads looking at houses. Stopped at the Amish market for some meats n' treats (deli ham and dried fruit). On the way home we passed a guy who had tried to turn his minivan around in a small field and got stuck in the mud, so B went back to give the guy a pull. It was done in five minutes, B wouldn't take any money as usual, and our two vehicles slogged on back to town slinging mud and gravel.
Dinner was okay... the elk steaks were marinating all day, stuck them under the broiler and they were a bit chewy but tasty. I think I like elk better than venison, and definitely more than beef. Had sweet corn and homemade potato salad and we're now eyeballing the cake... I made an ABS (Almost Better than Sex) cake and it's so rich and yummy that I'm drooling just thinking about it. I am Cake Girl, after all.
Hubby's sister sent him some German brandy-filled (Asbach) chocolates for his birthday and now I'm jonesing for chocolate cordials. It's so hard to find good ones; these were great, but I like the round kind that come in 20 different flavors. *yum*
All in all, not a bad day. I have to go because hubby just decided he wants cake and I am so there....
Monday, January 30, 2006
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Kibbles & Bits
It's foggy out there, has been all day but got worse right at sunset. (Sunset used loosely, cause the sun was nowhere to be seen, it was just greygreygrey all day.) My hubby surprised me... he isn't one for noticing anything beyond the windows, but when I heard him say "Wow... freaky" while peering out of the kitchen window I had to go look. I assumed the one neighbor had modded his car again, or the other neighbor's kid had done something weird to his hair, but it turned out he was looking at the fog through the bare trees out back. And it was kinda freaky, like something straight out of the opening scene of a horror movie. Really neat though. If the telephone pole wasn't in the way I'd have taken pictures.
Segue: I love the perspective from the second floor. And higher, when I can get there... the landlord left the attic door unlocked so we could check for leaks (lots of rain lately), and the last time I went up I just had to go look out the window. And since it was dark, and I had a flashlight, I can only imagine what the neighbors were thinking. A light in the attic? (Wait, wasn't that a Shel Silverstein book? It was.) So now I want to put the blue filter on my flashlight and go wave it around the next time I check the attic ceiling. Nobody EVER goes up there, or sees lights, so it might get someone talking... *grin*
Last night's TNA wrestling show was another chapter in the Sting history book. He came out and gave a very emotional farewell speech and "officially" retired. Of course it's an angle and he'll be back in a couple of months, but the whole segment was incredibly well done. The man has got some mad mic skillz, yo. I personally don't care if he ever wrestles again, just give him a microphone and some airtime and let him roll with it. He'd be a great commentator too. Guess that's why he's a good guest host on TBN.
February 4-12 is theEastern Sports and Outdoor Expo in Harrisburg. We obvs aren't going next weekend, since it's Super Bowl Sunday and we wanna watch the Steelers on Dad's bigscreen TV. The weekend after is a good possibility. The Expo is HUGE, and features everything you never knew you needed for any kind of activity that takes place beyond your front door. There's even an indoor archery range, with targets set up in the bleacher seats of the arena. Not to mention trucks, bikes (both varieties), boats, equipment, gun manufacturers, and a whole slew of people trying to sell hunting/fishing/camping trips to the far reaches of the earth plus Colorado and Montana.
We're also having a belated birthday party next Sunday for the love of my life, who turns 31 tomorrow! We met when he was a young 25 and haven't been apart since... Love you hunny! Happy Birthday! XXXOOO!!!
For tomorrow I think I'll bake a cake just for the two of us, since a friend is making one for next weekend. (She makes him some form of chocolate cake every year and it's a given now.) And maybe cook him his favorite dinner, which is... umm... hmmmm... Well, he eats almost anything, so whatever I make should be fine. I'm lacking a fresh deer heart so that's out. (Whew.) Maybe elk steaks on the grill... he'll love that.
A true story: I was having major access problems with my computer and after weeks of fighting with it, took it in to a (well-known chain) shop for repair. It was determined that when the pre-installed Norton Antivirus software expired (and I didn't renew cause I use AVG) it went haywire and started blocking more stuff every day. Cost me almost a hundred bucks (techs ain't cheap!) to have everything manually uninstalled and my access restored. When I picked up the computer and paid for it, the guy at the counter says... get this... "If you want a better antivirus program, we strongly recommend Norton." (begin sarcasm) I said "Isn't Norton WHY I had to bring this thing here in the first place?" He gave me a funny look, smarmed a bit with the "Well, if it's properly installed...." spiel but I reminded him that it came pre-installed, I didn't do it myself. He stopped talking and I thanked him and left. I had an appointment to get my headlight fluid changed... (end sarcasm)
And now I have to go bake a cake, like a good wife who knows her place is in the kitchen and not on a computer or under the hood of a car. *eyeroll*
Segue: I love the perspective from the second floor. And higher, when I can get there... the landlord left the attic door unlocked so we could check for leaks (lots of rain lately), and the last time I went up I just had to go look out the window. And since it was dark, and I had a flashlight, I can only imagine what the neighbors were thinking. A light in the attic? (Wait, wasn't that a Shel Silverstein book? It was.) So now I want to put the blue filter on my flashlight and go wave it around the next time I check the attic ceiling. Nobody EVER goes up there, or sees lights, so it might get someone talking... *grin*
Last night's TNA wrestling show was another chapter in the Sting history book. He came out and gave a very emotional farewell speech and "officially" retired. Of course it's an angle and he'll be back in a couple of months, but the whole segment was incredibly well done. The man has got some mad mic skillz, yo. I personally don't care if he ever wrestles again, just give him a microphone and some airtime and let him roll with it. He'd be a great commentator too. Guess that's why he's a good guest host on TBN.
February 4-12 is the
We're also having a belated birthday party next Sunday for the love of my life, who turns 31 tomorrow! We met when he was a young 25 and haven't been apart since... Love you hunny! Happy Birthday! XXXOOO!!!
For tomorrow I think I'll bake a cake just for the two of us, since a friend is making one for next weekend. (She makes him some form of chocolate cake every year and it's a given now.) And maybe cook him his favorite dinner, which is... umm... hmmmm... Well, he eats almost anything, so whatever I make should be fine. I'm lacking a fresh deer heart so that's out. (Whew.) Maybe elk steaks on the grill... he'll love that.
A true story: I was having major access problems with my computer and after weeks of fighting with it, took it in to a (well-known chain) shop for repair. It was determined that when the pre-installed Norton Antivirus software expired (and I didn't renew cause I use AVG) it went haywire and started blocking more stuff every day. Cost me almost a hundred bucks (techs ain't cheap!) to have everything manually uninstalled and my access restored. When I picked up the computer and paid for it, the guy at the counter says... get this... "If you want a better antivirus program, we strongly recommend Norton." (begin sarcasm) I said "Isn't Norton WHY I had to bring this thing here in the first place?" He gave me a funny look, smarmed a bit with the "Well, if it's properly installed...." spiel but I reminded him that it came pre-installed, I didn't do it myself. He stopped talking and I thanked him and left. I had an appointment to get my headlight fluid changed... (end sarcasm)
And now I have to go bake a cake, like a good wife who knows her place is in the kitchen and not on a computer or under the hood of a car. *eyeroll*
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Cars and Wrestling: A Redneck Saturday Night!
My drool glands are working overtime. The Barrett-Jackson Auto Auction began this week and today the big-money cars are going on the block. It's on Speed Channel and if you are a classic car buff, or if you just like shiny things, you HAVE to be watching this. You won't see some of these babies anywhere else.
Seriously, it's worse than getting sucked in to fishing tournaments or Cheers reruns.... the polished paint and gleaming chrome (enhanced by their special lighting and cameras for that extra-sparkly effect) will hypnotize, mesmerize, and stupefy. I found myself sitting slack-jawed as a Hemi Cuda sold for almost half a million big ones. And that wasn't even the top seller of the day... that honor (so far) went to... get this... the RIGHT to buy the first 2007 Mustang Shelby Cobra. $648,000 for the deal, plus whatever the car is going to cost once it's built.... flippin' insane. (UPDATE: 4.2 MILLION for a 1950 GM Futurliner "Parade of Progress" show bus. Yes, I said a BUS.) The top 20 sellers so far have all gone for over 200 grand and there's still the rest of tonight and tomorrow to go. Addictive. VERY addictive.
And in this corner.... TNA iMPACT! is on at 11:00 PM. See high-flying action! See Jeff Jarrett get booed again! Tune in to hear what's up with Sting!
We're doing the entire routine... cheese steaks (Philly style, with Whiz of course), chips, and brownies. Collective oohs and aahs for the cars, a couple of "dang, that was COOL" comments for the wrestling (and much eye-rolling) and maybe some Scrabble. We have no life! I love it.
Seriously, it's worse than getting sucked in to fishing tournaments or Cheers reruns.... the polished paint and gleaming chrome (enhanced by their special lighting and cameras for that extra-sparkly effect) will hypnotize, mesmerize, and stupefy. I found myself sitting slack-jawed as a Hemi Cuda sold for almost half a million big ones. And that wasn't even the top seller of the day... that honor (so far) went to... get this... the RIGHT to buy the first 2007 Mustang Shelby Cobra. $648,000 for the deal, plus whatever the car is going to cost once it's built.... flippin' insane. (UPDATE: 4.2 MILLION for a 1950 GM Futurliner "Parade of Progress" show bus. Yes, I said a BUS.) The top 20 sellers so far have all gone for over 200 grand and there's still the rest of tonight and tomorrow to go. Addictive. VERY addictive.
And in this corner.... TNA iMPACT! is on at 11:00 PM. See high-flying action! See Jeff Jarrett get booed again! Tune in to hear what's up with Sting!
We're doing the entire routine... cheese steaks (Philly style, with Whiz of course), chips, and brownies. Collective oohs and aahs for the cars, a couple of "dang, that was COOL" comments for the wrestling (and much eye-rolling) and maybe some Scrabble. We have no life! I love it.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Friday the 13th Recap
Y'all, I like Friday the 13th. Not the movies, but the day itself. I always thought I'd make it my lucky day since nobody else did... what I failed to consider is that there is more than one kind of luck. Today has probably been one of the most stereotypically insane Friday the 13th days ever.
- I went to work, hoping against hope that I wouldn't be doing a lot of bending today. I've been working on a different crew for 2 weeks and the new movements and repetetive actions have put my back and legs into severe agony. It hurts to lift my own weight, much less sit down or walk... I hoped my muscles would be adjusted by now but I spent all day yesterday bending and turning to set pots on the greenhouse floor and that just took a major toll. Anyway, sure enough I was scheduled for the same job today... *groan* It didn't last long, as I was called away to do something else, then something else again, and I was thinking it was going to be a good day after all. I could deal with the pain as long as I could move around and stretch now and then.
- I was called to the bunker after an hour or so at work. The site manager handed me my paycheck, explained that they had too many people and not enough work, and asked me to leave the site immediately, and I'd get paid for the whole day. Okay, so I'm laid off... at the time, my poor legs were imminently grateful.
- The company can't lay off an employee who has vacation time on the books. So they cut me a check for the vacation and then deducted the next 3 weeks' worth of health insurance co-pays and taxes from it. After that I have to pay the premium every week to keep it. Now, when I get called back, I'll have no vacation time left and will have to start my accrual over again. (This, after I shorted myself over Christmas break so I could carry some time into the new year...)
- I was told that I could collect unemployment benefits during the layoff. Great, except I had to open a new claim and this week is counted as a "waiting" week (that means an unpaid claim week which is mandatory for a new application). I can open the claim next week, but it will be 3-4 more weeks before I'll see a check, and that will be 50% of my gross pay less 10% taxes. If they'd told me (or all of us, for that matter) that layoffs were coming, I could have already had the claim open and the waiting period over with, but it came as a surprise to everyone. Therefore I have a week's worth of pay to last me for the next month. Yay.
- My mom didn't have such a great day either. Her car broke, I believe the clutch finally went out, and she doesn't have the $ to fix it right now. She was also off over the Christmas break so she doesn't have any time off either. The pharmacy didn't have a prescription she needed, she had to cancel some appointments... if she wasn't 800 miles away B and I could fix the car for her, but she doesn't even have a reliable mechanic in town she can trust. Toyota is a bit proprietary when it comes to parts too, so I have a bad feeling she's going to wind up getting soaked at a dealer service center.
And that's our day. Everything will work out, I have faith in that. None of it is life-threatening (maybe quality-of-life, temporarily, but oh well, not like we haven't seen worse) and nobody is going to be anything more than inconvenienced for a while. In the grand scheme of things it isn't worth stressing about too much. But if anyone would like to send up a few prayers for us, especially my mom, we would greatly appreciate it. I hate not being able to help her out.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Great Show Tonight!
Once again Steve "Sting" Borden will be hosting "Praise the Lord" on TBN. This time some of the guests are also wrestling-related: Vince Russo and "Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels will be joining Steve on tonight's show. Should be interesting!
Showtime 10 PM EST, 7 PM Pacific, on Trinity Broadcast Network (TBN)
If you miss it or don't have TBN, archived shows can be viewed at www.tbn.org
More Sting news: the man did indeed sign a year contract with TNA wrestling; his first appearance will be at the "Final Resolution" pay-per-view this Sunday night at 8 PM. For info check out www.tnawrestling.com! Tune in to their weekly shows... they're 100% better than the garbage spewed forth on WWE. Check out the X-Division and get back to me once you pick your jaw up off the floor... some of those guys need clearance from Air Traffic Control to perform moves like they do!
Showtime 10 PM EST, 7 PM Pacific, on Trinity Broadcast Network (TBN)
If you miss it or don't have TBN, archived shows can be viewed at www.tbn.org
More Sting news: the man did indeed sign a year contract with TNA wrestling; his first appearance will be at the "Final Resolution" pay-per-view this Sunday night at 8 PM. For info check out www.tnawrestling.com! Tune in to their weekly shows... they're 100% better than the garbage spewed forth on WWE. Check out the X-Division and get back to me once you pick your jaw up off the floor... some of those guys need clearance from Air Traffic Control to perform moves like they do!
Sunday, January 08, 2006
A Slice of Southern Life
This is a conversation from earlier today. Imagine the one in blue font speaking like a Southern grandma.
e2000: Short story....wanna hear?
cj: sure
e2000: Last week I heard a noise in the garage...scuffling. Opened the door and shined light....BIG ole possum....I chased him back out the hole he came in. I went back inside and stood by the door, waiting to see if he came back. THEN I hear "knock, knock, knock"....
e2000: possums DON'T knock.
Heart Failure Max..... It was YOU coming on line on the computer
cj: *laughing*
e2000: Something is gonna get me yet....
cj: *falls off chair*
e2000: Then you cuss while heart is slowing down.
e2000: Possum hasn't come back either.
cj: Did you cover the hole?
e2000: Scared the shiznit out of him
cj: heh heh
e2000: Also had big rat traps in the garage....they kept tripping....no rats...MMM? watched to see what was setting them off, eating bait, and not getting caught. BIG roaches.
e2000: So I set out roach bait, and the rats ate it.
cj: *eyeroll*
e2000: I need some tiny roach traps
cj: Roach motel?
e2000: No, they moved in and invited the possum
e2000: Now about that snake in the attic....
cj: Is he back?
e2000: I hope not....he just left his skin and moved out.
cj: Didn't want to eat poisoned rats
e2000: or big roaches or shiznitty possums
cj: heehee
cj: smart snake!
e2000: I have had TOO MUCH COFFEE
cj: NO.............. I haven't had any
e2000: up at o dark 30
e2000: Now I don't want to go back to bed, so I will sleep good tonite.
e2000: unless the possum comes back...
e2000: Short story....wanna hear?
cj: sure
e2000: Last week I heard a noise in the garage...scuffling. Opened the door and shined light....BIG ole possum....I chased him back out the hole he came in. I went back inside and stood by the door, waiting to see if he came back. THEN I hear "knock, knock, knock"....
e2000: possums DON'T knock.
Heart Failure Max..... It was YOU coming on line on the computer
cj: *laughing*
e2000: Something is gonna get me yet....
cj: *falls off chair*
e2000: Then you cuss while heart is slowing down.
e2000: Possum hasn't come back either.
cj: Did you cover the hole?
e2000: Scared the shiznit out of him
cj: heh heh
e2000: Also had big rat traps in the garage....they kept tripping....no rats...MMM? watched to see what was setting them off, eating bait, and not getting caught. BIG roaches.
e2000: So I set out roach bait, and the rats ate it.
cj: *eyeroll*
e2000: I need some tiny roach traps
cj: Roach motel?
e2000: No, they moved in and invited the possum
e2000: Now about that snake in the attic....
cj: Is he back?
e2000: I hope not....he just left his skin and moved out.
cj: Didn't want to eat poisoned rats
e2000: or big roaches or shiznitty possums
cj: heehee
cj: smart snake!
e2000: I have had TOO MUCH COFFEE
cj: NO.............. I haven't had any
e2000: up at o dark 30
e2000: Now I don't want to go back to bed, so I will sleep good tonite.
e2000: unless the possum comes back...
Friday, January 06, 2006
This Week Is....
• Silent Record Week• Universal Letter Writing Week• Braille Literacy Week• Universal Week of Prayer• National Law Enforcement Training Week• Diet Resolution Week
Tonight is Nat'l Girls Night Out, and tomorrow is Leisure Suit Saturday!
So... make a record of your resolutions, write them in a letter, try to use the ATM via the Braille keypad to get your cash for Girls Night Out, and pray that you don't run into Law Enforcement or cheat on your diet. :-P
I don't know what to say about leisure suits. But if you have one in your closet, wear it!
Tonight is Nat'l Girls Night Out, and tomorrow is Leisure Suit Saturday!
So... make a record of your resolutions, write them in a letter, try to use the ATM via the Braille keypad to get your cash for Girls Night Out, and pray that you don't run into Law Enforcement or cheat on your diet. :-P
I don't know what to say about leisure suits. But if you have one in your closet, wear it!
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Lost and Found
Continued from last post... these are the people I either want to talk to again, or ones who once were lost but now are found!
Lost:
Joseph "Hamster" H: Where are you? I feel like we left something unfinished there, like you just dropped off the face of the earth. We never said goodbye or wrote that last letter. I just want to know that you're happy, doing what you love, and being with someone you love. You deserve it. I still have the Violent Femmes tape. Come over and listen to it with me sometime. I could use more friends like you, comfortable to be around, no eggshells. Your poetic imagery was wonderful too.
Fidget in Cali: I just want to know if you still go by that name, and if not, can I have it?
Vladimir K, the Flying Man: Okay, so I never met you, but you were the first breathtakingly stunningly gorgeous man I ever laid eyes on. I heard you're still doing shows in Vegas. I'm sure the years have changed you, but I still want to fly with you, just for the thrill of flying! (If anyone has a copy of People Magazine's Beautiful People issue from sometime in the late 80s/early 90s, the one with Vlad hanging around in the middle, I'll give you $10 for it. $20 if it isn't drooled on.)
Don E, my non-date dateless date: Slamdancing at Cadillac Club, and the motorcycle trip over the Sierra Nevadas... you know who you are. We have some catching up to do. You will love my husband, and I would like to know how you're doing now! Hopefully better than you were then. All my best. You're the only one of that bunch I actually miss.
To All The Cars I've Loved Before: Red '65 Barracuda, I wish I'd bought you. Same to the '61 Chrysler and the '62 Buick and the '59 Ranchero and the '72 El Camino SS... *sigh* And esp. to the Yenko Chevelle in Shamokin Dam, if I ever see you again I'm taking pictures this time. I doubt I'll ever see another one like you!
Found:
Diane W in SoCal: Your babies are adorable! I'm glad I found you, and I love the pictures and updates. I'll write soon. Please swat Tim for me. Thanks.
Joy V: We haven't done much more than exchange cards, but it's really nice having a connection with you again. You have a beautiful family!
Chris B: I was floored. I mean, of all people to hear from... I don't even know what to say. Just amazing that after a bazillion years you can still make me laugh with your snarky witticisms. Thanks for the nostalgia trip. You and L. are incredible folks doing incredible things! Much love and blessings to you both. Do. Not. EVER. Lose. Touch. Again. I mean it. I hope we can all meet up someday! Enchiladas y guacamole, my treat.
Jenn M, my step-sister and former partner in weird goings-on: After 10 years we finally got to talk. I was a bit teary-eyed, I'll admit, because it was so wonderful to not just chat but to see you, even if it was on a webcam from 2000 miles away. I can't wait to come to NYC when you get there to see you in person. I'll bring Skid Row, you bring Gorky Park, and we'll stay up all night reminiscing... Love ya, sis. If you ever decide to disappear again, call me. I promise not to tell the 'rents.
David F in Ohio: You shocked me when you called Mom's house. You're as goofy as ever, and I believe the best thing you ever did was to marry Missy and get away from your insane family. So good to hear from you and know you're enjoying life. You ain't that far away, Bozo! PS OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! *headbang*
Lost:
Joseph "Hamster" H: Where are you? I feel like we left something unfinished there, like you just dropped off the face of the earth. We never said goodbye or wrote that last letter. I just want to know that you're happy, doing what you love, and being with someone you love. You deserve it. I still have the Violent Femmes tape. Come over and listen to it with me sometime. I could use more friends like you, comfortable to be around, no eggshells. Your poetic imagery was wonderful too.
Fidget in Cali: I just want to know if you still go by that name, and if not, can I have it?
Vladimir K, the Flying Man: Okay, so I never met you, but you were the first breathtakingly stunningly gorgeous man I ever laid eyes on. I heard you're still doing shows in Vegas. I'm sure the years have changed you, but I still want to fly with you, just for the thrill of flying! (If anyone has a copy of People Magazine's Beautiful People issue from sometime in the late 80s/early 90s, the one with Vlad hanging around in the middle, I'll give you $10 for it. $20 if it isn't drooled on.)
Don E, my non-date dateless date: Slamdancing at Cadillac Club, and the motorcycle trip over the Sierra Nevadas... you know who you are. We have some catching up to do. You will love my husband, and I would like to know how you're doing now! Hopefully better than you were then. All my best. You're the only one of that bunch I actually miss.
To All The Cars I've Loved Before: Red '65 Barracuda, I wish I'd bought you. Same to the '61 Chrysler and the '62 Buick and the '59 Ranchero and the '72 El Camino SS... *sigh* And esp. to the Yenko Chevelle in Shamokin Dam, if I ever see you again I'm taking pictures this time. I doubt I'll ever see another one like you!
Found:
Diane W in SoCal: Your babies are adorable! I'm glad I found you, and I love the pictures and updates. I'll write soon. Please swat Tim for me. Thanks.
Joy V: We haven't done much more than exchange cards, but it's really nice having a connection with you again. You have a beautiful family!
Chris B: I was floored. I mean, of all people to hear from... I don't even know what to say. Just amazing that after a bazillion years you can still make me laugh with your snarky witticisms. Thanks for the nostalgia trip. You and L. are incredible folks doing incredible things! Much love and blessings to you both. Do. Not. EVER. Lose. Touch. Again. I mean it. I hope we can all meet up someday! Enchiladas y guacamole, my treat.
Jenn M, my step-sister and former partner in weird goings-on: After 10 years we finally got to talk. I was a bit teary-eyed, I'll admit, because it was so wonderful to not just chat but to see you, even if it was on a webcam from 2000 miles away. I can't wait to come to NYC when you get there to see you in person. I'll bring Skid Row, you bring Gorky Park, and we'll stay up all night reminiscing... Love ya, sis. If you ever decide to disappear again, call me. I promise not to tell the 'rents.
David F in Ohio: You shocked me when you called Mom's house. You're as goofy as ever, and I believe the best thing you ever did was to marry Missy and get away from your insane family. So good to hear from you and know you're enjoying life. You ain't that far away, Bozo! PS OZZY! OZZY! OZZY! *headbang*
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Out With The Old
For this New Year, I've decided to clean mental house. So here's my version of purge therapy. Writing it down gives closure. Some things were good, some not so much, but all made me "Me" in some way or other. It's time to give thanks and apologies and move on.
To the random people hanging around the ol' memory banks: you need to go away so I can make room for others! Seriously. It's like keeping wire coathangers because you hate to throw something out, but all the useless wire ones are taking up space where your nice new wooden ones could go.
So... NO WIRE HANGERS! (don't go there)
To:
Ed B, the AWOL USMC cook: Thanks for the pierogie pie recipe. I still make it. And I still have the dustpan you swiped from 1st Battalion. Too bad you weren't nearly as useful.
"Bubba" Brian L, current (?) Alabama cop. If I ever drive through your neck of the woods and you pull me over, it better be just to say howdy. You know why. I sincerely hope you've found a woman who can handle your mood swings, or that you've at least gotten therapy. Oh, your step-mom makes the best cracklins EVER. I hold her and her cooking in much high regard to this day.
All the Mikes: The one with the Chevy Malibu, sorry you were too young for me. I didn't need the drama. Loved your car though. The one with the gothic jewelry, my former bar buddy cutie-pie, I really miss talking to you. I hope you found the gal of your wildest internet fantasies, and that she was legal at the time. The one with the red Chevette, when you say you have a place I can crash for the night, underneath a baby crib CONTAINING AN ACTUAL LIVE BABY is not an option. Thanks anyway. I'm over the trauma now.
Brian McN, pool shark extraordinaire: Your talent for checking all the fluids in your car without getting a single speck of grease on your white pants astounded me. It also should have warned me. By the way, I liked the Grand National WAY better than the green convertible. Sorry I called it a mere Buick. As a current mere Buick owner, I mean that sincerely.
Brian "Harley" D: Your photography is quite good, but your editor needs a promotion. Seriously. Not one misspelled word yet... Oh, and thanks for saying I'd be a good-looking woman in my 30s. I'm getting there. I still think you highlight your hair. And I think it's hilarious that your beautiful wife outranks you. PS Bite me. You never said goodbye.
Scott E, pervertus maximus: Had I only known. I used to hate myself for being so stupid, and for not seeing what you were up to, but you're not worth it anymore. You weren't then either but I was too young to realize that. The only good, worthwhile thing you ever did for me was introduce me to Joe, who is still my friend in some alternate universe somewhere. Your phone number should start with 1-900, at three bucks a minute. Now begone! *poof*
Lisa B, my horndog filter: Thanks for taking all the guys who just wanted sex. I never despised you for it, you were doing me a favor. Thanks also for sleeping with my ex-fiance. Saved me a load of trouble there. I owe you one.
Gene McK, liar, thief, babydaddy of the masses: HOW many kids do you have now? Do they come visit you in jail? Have you run out of blonde women with bad attitudes to knock up and cars to steal? Never mind. I don't want to know. Congrats on being the only person I ever really, truly, hated. Lord forgive me... I'll shoot if you ever come near me again. I mean it. I can be out in six months for justifiable homicide. (OK, I need to work on this one...)
Billy C (not Lisa's brother): I was five. FIVE. What were you thinking?!? I'm over it though. I truly hope you're a better person. I feel only pity for you now. When I think about it at all.
Robbie C, hottie classmate: Sorry I made fun of you. It was that kindergarten mentality, picking on those you like. And boy was I ever obsessed.
Mitzi B and Julie T: Where are you girls? Denim jackets and peeing on the railroad tracks and Prom Night... I used to wonder where you went. I'm going to stop wondering until one of you calls me.
Heather G: I give up. As much as I'd love to hear from you, I've realized I've spent too much time in NostalgiaLand. We probably have nothing in common anymore. But if you read this, pleasepleaseplease send me that recipe for Brown Sugar Drops, okay? Garfield stickers optional.
Traci and Kelli S: Stories about you two will be told for generations. Traci, lighten up! Kelli, thanks for not saying anything about Chris. I really, truly enjoyed getting one over on Lisa for once. SO worth it at the time. PS I wish you'd kept Bubba. I totally didn't need that.
Chris ("Christopheles"), tall Marine with too-long bangs: Our night of Lisa surveillance was so much fun. So was the garage and painting the Harley. I didn't have nearly enough time hanging out with you, but in retrospect it was a good thing. Thanks.
Che M: I miss our chats. But you were very bad for me. Please tell Jess I love her to bits and wish I could have gotten to know her better. She's one of the most beautiful people I've ever met, and it came from within. Count your blessings, man.
Timothy A, Trekker Extreme: It was weird. Really weird. I never knew toilet seat pins could be turned into fake teeth. You have so many talents, wasted by your bitterness. But thanks for introducing me to Data and crew, for the cosmic ceiling, and Spot, the Drooling Cat. My hope for you is that you get whatever it is that makes you happy and you don't ruin it by dissecting it too much. Oh, and you have great handwriting for a guy. Sorry for being so naive.
naD and ddoT, met on a road trip: That was the most fun I have ever had at a Waffle House. I still tell stories about that waitress. My sister has the box. Silence=Death, Dinner=WH? You guys were great and I hope I meet more like you. I tip a green-apple Blow-Pop to you both.
The Bass-Ackwards Guys in Scottsdale: Another memorable night involving total strangers, too much coffee, and fluorescent pens. And drums! And Red Rover at 2 AM! We really connected and I hope you're all successful. I kept your art but mice ate the kangaroo. Ah, to be young again, and silly! Thanks guys. Rock on!
Kevin and crew, off a highway in Shreveport: I want my hat back. It was ten bucks and three Dr. Peppers, right? I can swing that. No, wait, forget it... I don't want to go back to Shreveport.
Toni C: I wasted more time resenting you than I should have, when you were never worth thinking about in the first place. Hope you're happy with your own personal Jesus. And I hope you get older and find out the hard way that your looks won't carry you forever. Good luck with that when it happens.
Paul D in Armona/Hanford/Lemoore/???: The last time I saw you, you were drunk and barefoot, asking for a dollar. But that doesn't change the fact that I was wrong to treat you the way I did before then. I hope you're stable, secure, and happy now, and putting your soundboard skills to good use. I loved looking at the clouds with you and riding the "Who's Who of Mental Illness" AKA the Kings County public bus. And the VCR joke... I still use that. Thanks.
Steven, Navy guy from Alabama: You wanted to marry me, move me to a farm in Bama, and have lots of fat babies. You can see why it never happened, right? I hope you found your ideal wife. Thanks for letting me use your car; for a while it was the only place I had to sleep.
Steve W, career USMC radio guy: I admit I was naive and a complete witch to you. But what is it about guys named Steve who think every woman is going to fall all over herself wanting to get married? Really, I couldn't have taken the Charlie's Angels reruns, you ironing my underwear and starching my shirts, and lining up my shoes with precisely thismuch space between them in order of use. I hope you made somebody a good husband. I bet your house is spotless. OCD much? Best to you, and I'm sorry. Especially for the OCD crack... OK, not really. It's true.
Karen P: I last saw you a couple of years ago. Your boyfriend seemed like a wonderful guy, and I wish you all the best because you deserve it. Life gave you a basket of rotten eggs. I want only love and peace for you and the stability you've been searching for your entire life. But I'm sending you out too, because you're part of a past I don't belong to anymore. Thanks for the memories.
Tommy E: Rest in peace, friend. I tried, honestly I did. But you treated your short life so casually that there wasn't much more help I could give you. You were simple and "beyutifull." I hope your son grows up with more opportunities. I was shocked to hear of your death but then I realized it was always coming... I'm sorry I didn't come to the funeral. A rose for the memories, and I'm done wishing I'd done more.
I know there's more... but now that I've cleaned out my closet, so to speak, I can stuff the rest back in the corner and drag them out later when I feel like I need the room. If you are any of the above-mentioned people, please remember me on National Forgiveness Day, the 4th Sunday in June. ;-P
To the random people hanging around the ol' memory banks: you need to go away so I can make room for others! Seriously. It's like keeping wire coathangers because you hate to throw something out, but all the useless wire ones are taking up space where your nice new wooden ones could go.
So... NO WIRE HANGERS! (don't go there)
To:
Ed B, the AWOL USMC cook: Thanks for the pierogie pie recipe. I still make it. And I still have the dustpan you swiped from 1st Battalion. Too bad you weren't nearly as useful.
"Bubba" Brian L, current (?) Alabama cop. If I ever drive through your neck of the woods and you pull me over, it better be just to say howdy. You know why. I sincerely hope you've found a woman who can handle your mood swings, or that you've at least gotten therapy. Oh, your step-mom makes the best cracklins EVER. I hold her and her cooking in much high regard to this day.
All the Mikes: The one with the Chevy Malibu, sorry you were too young for me. I didn't need the drama. Loved your car though. The one with the gothic jewelry, my former bar buddy cutie-pie, I really miss talking to you. I hope you found the gal of your wildest internet fantasies, and that she was legal at the time. The one with the red Chevette, when you say you have a place I can crash for the night, underneath a baby crib CONTAINING AN ACTUAL LIVE BABY is not an option. Thanks anyway. I'm over the trauma now.
Brian McN, pool shark extraordinaire: Your talent for checking all the fluids in your car without getting a single speck of grease on your white pants astounded me. It also should have warned me. By the way, I liked the Grand National WAY better than the green convertible. Sorry I called it a mere Buick. As a current mere Buick owner, I mean that sincerely.
Brian "Harley" D: Your photography is quite good, but your editor needs a promotion. Seriously. Not one misspelled word yet... Oh, and thanks for saying I'd be a good-looking woman in my 30s. I'm getting there. I still think you highlight your hair. And I think it's hilarious that your beautiful wife outranks you. PS Bite me. You never said goodbye.
Scott E, pervertus maximus: Had I only known. I used to hate myself for being so stupid, and for not seeing what you were up to, but you're not worth it anymore. You weren't then either but I was too young to realize that. The only good, worthwhile thing you ever did for me was introduce me to Joe, who is still my friend in some alternate universe somewhere. Your phone number should start with 1-900, at three bucks a minute. Now begone! *poof*
Lisa B, my horndog filter: Thanks for taking all the guys who just wanted sex. I never despised you for it, you were doing me a favor. Thanks also for sleeping with my ex-fiance. Saved me a load of trouble there. I owe you one.
Gene McK, liar, thief, babydaddy of the masses: HOW many kids do you have now? Do they come visit you in jail? Have you run out of blonde women with bad attitudes to knock up and cars to steal? Never mind. I don't want to know. Congrats on being the only person I ever really, truly, hated. Lord forgive me... I'll shoot if you ever come near me again. I mean it. I can be out in six months for justifiable homicide. (OK, I need to work on this one...)
Billy C (not Lisa's brother): I was five. FIVE. What were you thinking?!? I'm over it though. I truly hope you're a better person. I feel only pity for you now. When I think about it at all.
Robbie C, hottie classmate: Sorry I made fun of you. It was that kindergarten mentality, picking on those you like. And boy was I ever obsessed.
Mitzi B and Julie T: Where are you girls? Denim jackets and peeing on the railroad tracks and Prom Night... I used to wonder where you went. I'm going to stop wondering until one of you calls me.
Heather G: I give up. As much as I'd love to hear from you, I've realized I've spent too much time in NostalgiaLand. We probably have nothing in common anymore. But if you read this, pleasepleaseplease send me that recipe for Brown Sugar Drops, okay? Garfield stickers optional.
Traci and Kelli S: Stories about you two will be told for generations. Traci, lighten up! Kelli, thanks for not saying anything about Chris. I really, truly enjoyed getting one over on Lisa for once. SO worth it at the time. PS I wish you'd kept Bubba. I totally didn't need that.
Chris ("Christopheles"), tall Marine with too-long bangs: Our night of Lisa surveillance was so much fun. So was the garage and painting the Harley. I didn't have nearly enough time hanging out with you, but in retrospect it was a good thing. Thanks.
Che M: I miss our chats. But you were very bad for me. Please tell Jess I love her to bits and wish I could have gotten to know her better. She's one of the most beautiful people I've ever met, and it came from within. Count your blessings, man.
Timothy A, Trekker Extreme: It was weird. Really weird. I never knew toilet seat pins could be turned into fake teeth. You have so many talents, wasted by your bitterness. But thanks for introducing me to Data and crew, for the cosmic ceiling, and Spot, the Drooling Cat. My hope for you is that you get whatever it is that makes you happy and you don't ruin it by dissecting it too much. Oh, and you have great handwriting for a guy. Sorry for being so naive.
naD and ddoT, met on a road trip: That was the most fun I have ever had at a Waffle House. I still tell stories about that waitress. My sister has the box. Silence=Death, Dinner=WH? You guys were great and I hope I meet more like you. I tip a green-apple Blow-Pop to you both.
The Bass-Ackwards Guys in Scottsdale: Another memorable night involving total strangers, too much coffee, and fluorescent pens. And drums! And Red Rover at 2 AM! We really connected and I hope you're all successful. I kept your art but mice ate the kangaroo. Ah, to be young again, and silly! Thanks guys. Rock on!
Kevin and crew, off a highway in Shreveport: I want my hat back. It was ten bucks and three Dr. Peppers, right? I can swing that. No, wait, forget it... I don't want to go back to Shreveport.
Toni C: I wasted more time resenting you than I should have, when you were never worth thinking about in the first place. Hope you're happy with your own personal Jesus. And I hope you get older and find out the hard way that your looks won't carry you forever. Good luck with that when it happens.
Paul D in Armona/Hanford/Lemoore/???: The last time I saw you, you were drunk and barefoot, asking for a dollar. But that doesn't change the fact that I was wrong to treat you the way I did before then. I hope you're stable, secure, and happy now, and putting your soundboard skills to good use. I loved looking at the clouds with you and riding the "Who's Who of Mental Illness" AKA the Kings County public bus. And the VCR joke... I still use that. Thanks.
Steven, Navy guy from Alabama: You wanted to marry me, move me to a farm in Bama, and have lots of fat babies. You can see why it never happened, right? I hope you found your ideal wife. Thanks for letting me use your car; for a while it was the only place I had to sleep.
Steve W, career USMC radio guy: I admit I was naive and a complete witch to you. But what is it about guys named Steve who think every woman is going to fall all over herself wanting to get married? Really, I couldn't have taken the Charlie's Angels reruns, you ironing my underwear and starching my shirts, and lining up my shoes with precisely thismuch space between them in order of use. I hope you made somebody a good husband. I bet your house is spotless. OCD much? Best to you, and I'm sorry. Especially for the OCD crack... OK, not really. It's true.
Karen P: I last saw you a couple of years ago. Your boyfriend seemed like a wonderful guy, and I wish you all the best because you deserve it. Life gave you a basket of rotten eggs. I want only love and peace for you and the stability you've been searching for your entire life. But I'm sending you out too, because you're part of a past I don't belong to anymore. Thanks for the memories.
Tommy E: Rest in peace, friend. I tried, honestly I did. But you treated your short life so casually that there wasn't much more help I could give you. You were simple and "beyutifull." I hope your son grows up with more opportunities. I was shocked to hear of your death but then I realized it was always coming... I'm sorry I didn't come to the funeral. A rose for the memories, and I'm done wishing I'd done more.
I know there's more... but now that I've cleaned out my closet, so to speak, I can stuff the rest back in the corner and drag them out later when I feel like I need the room. If you are any of the above-mentioned people, please remember me on National Forgiveness Day, the 4th Sunday in June. ;-P
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