Sunday, December 26, 2010

Twits for Twat

So there I was, just wandering around the internet, randomly clicking stuff like you're not supposed to do and risking getting a virus or a Trojan or spam, although I have a pretty good antivirus program that I found clicking on some other stuff back before I had an antivirus, well I did have one but it was a free Norton trial which doesn't count because it took over my computer and ended up costing me $100 to get rid of, which means the damn antivirus was a virus or maybe a Trojan and spam too because it invaded everything and locked me out of my computer and gave me popups telling me to buy the paid version to fix what the free one screwed up, and then the geek at the computer store tried to sell me Norton because I needed an antivirus, since he'd just removed the only one I had, never mind that it WAS Norton, dumbass, anyway I have a good one now and I know it's good because if I accidentally click on Internet Explorer it won't let it open, which proves my antivirus program is smarter than most of the people on Facebook, who still use it and complain about it and HELLO, people, get with the current decade already.

Anyway, I was clicking those news bits at the top of the Yahoo homepage, you know, the puff pieces about the worst fashion trends of the year or things chicken processors don't want you to know or how Oprah is still richer and fatter than you are, and at the bottom of one of those articles from the L.A. Times, I think it was the one about the mudslides, I remember that because it made me wonder if we had any Kahlua left and I had to go check, I saw this other link to this article that I thought was a joke, but it's not April Fool's Day yet which made me go hmmm like the song says only not really because this didn't have a catchy riff, just a picture of some pregnant woman and an article about how she was getting her vagina steamed and WHAAAAA?

Hold up a sec.

OK, yeah, I read that right. Apparently hovering your lady bits over a pot of mugwort tea is a thing. I suspect everything is a thing in Los Angeles, at one point or another, but this is a new one on me. The Koreans have imported something new for vapid SoCal bimbos to take over and make trendy and feel smug about. I wonder if they'll be adding gift cards for twat-steaming to swag bags and giving them as hostess gifts. "It's all the rage!" Yeah, so was Zima. And the XFL. And Betamax. Those sure caught on, didn't they?

On the other hand, "Steamtwats" would be a great band name.

1 comment:

phyzzle said...

Very interesting, what you find on the internet...by accident or otherwise.
Wasn't "Mugwort" a character in Harry Potter?
And would you say "Twitter is for Twatters"?
OK, I'm done now.

*signed*...Your Mother