Coin Toss: Not Quite What I Was Expecting

A few snips before the main post:

On some women, stretch pants have no choice.

The other day, my husband said I should try getting in better shape and suggested taking up running. He retracted his comment when he learned that I can run pretty damn fast when he's scared and I'm pissed.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after his third ho.

Hooters has a new review process for prospective waitresses. Each applicant is handed a bra and told "Here, fill this out."

What do a tornado, a hurricane, and a redneck divorce have in common? Each one costs somebody a trailer.

One of the most expensive things in the world is a woman who is free for the evening.

In California there is a six-month waiting period to file for divorce, but only a 15-day waiting period to buy a handgun. It's nice to know the government is giving us advice on how to work out our problems.

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On my dresser, I have a silver catch-all tray for change and Chinese fortunes and whatever else happens to be in my pockets at the end of the day. The coin pile eventually takes over, and every six months or so I cash it in. Usually I get about $40 and use the money for something fun for my husband and I, like going to the local carnival or buying dinner at someplace besides Super Ho-Tang Mega Chinese Buffet ("Now Have Frog Leg!"). Yesterday I wanted to take a drive to the city for reasons I won't divulge, because you'd laugh and/or roll your eyes, but since it was the day before payday I was a little short on gas money.

I'd noticed that the coin pile was getting out of hand. My husband has started using it to dump his own change, and the silver tray was invisible under the coins that were threatening to slide off the dresser. A few forward-thinking dimes and pennies were already making the leap, on occasion, into my shoes on the floor below. I got my coin bucket (a plastic frozen margarita tub) and dumped in half the pile, planning on visiting a coin-for-cash machine on the way out of town. I love those things... I'll gladly pay 9.8 cents on the dollar to avoid the three hours it usually takes me to sort and stuff coins into paper rollers.

Anyway. I got my stuff together; with my hands full of cell phone, shopping list, cooler bag, water bottle, and bucket, I left the house and started down the stairs.

Some advice: Margarita bucket handles will not support the weight of a bunch of coins.

The handle came off on the third of sixteen steps. The bucket did not just turn upside down and stop, nooooo.... it bounced off every. single. remaining. step. My stairs were now covered with a coin avalanche all the way to the downstairs door. I issued a loudly appropriate four-letter word and went about scraping them all up. Coins don't slide too well on carpet, by the way.

Thankfully this was the worst thing that happened all day, unless you count hitting a turtle on the road. I felt horrible, but it was the turtle or oncoming traffic and I chose the least likely to inflict personal injury. Sorry, turtle. Squirrels are quick but stupid, so I only feel a momentary twinge should one happen to commit suicide under my tires, but turtles can't help being slow. I usually pull over and move them off the road but this one was in a 55-MPH zone in traffic. I still felt bad though.

The tally at the coin machine surprised me. I got tired of dumping change about three-quarters of the way through the bucket and cashed out... almost 90 bucks! Whoa! After the fees, a tank of gas, and a breakfast burrito I had plenty left over for my city run. And still more in the bucket, and the rest at home on the dresser... next month's local Fireman's Carnival is covered. (How many bingo games and corn dogs does one need, anyway? It all goes to a good cause so whatever I can spend is guilt-free, but still.)

Despite nearly getting broadsided by some twit from New York driving a PT Cruiser, the rest of the trip went smoothly. On the way home I had a banana Slurpee, retro radio playing the good stuff, and cruise control set on a mostly-clear highway. Got my shopping done and still made it home in time to have supper ready when Hubby came in. w00t!

Banana Slurpees > any other flavor, and they rock forever. That is all.