Last night the husband and I made plans to go out. We were going to take one of our college exchange kids to a club so she could dance, but she didn't get back from the waterfalls in time, leaving us with the option of staying home or going out anyway. Since we were dressed and hadn't been to a city club in years, we went. I was feeling old and a bit apprehensive about going to a place full of young hipsters and club kids. I shouldn't have worried.
First off, we didn't go to one of the trendy, elitist or microbrew bars. We went to the Cell Block, which is exactly what it sounds like... it's a former, very old, downtown prison converted to a club. The stone archways and cells are still there, sans metal bars, so one can walk through and grab a hidden table around a corner or sit at one of the bars. The perimeter catwalk on the second floor is still there and overlooks the dance floor. It's a maze of rooms and semi-hidden bars, with one upstairs, at least one outside in the cellyard, and two or three downstairs. Last night there was a DJ spinning dance music for the main room/dance floor, a guy in a tiny upstairs bar singing and playing classics on guitar and sax, and a live band in a third bar/dance area in the back. I still don't think I've seen the whole place... I had a hell of a time just finding which archway led to the ladies' room. Tip: It's not the one with the stuffed prisoner mannequin.
Summary:
1. Cells make good coolers.
-Hubby thought it was neat that one of the cells was turned into a beer cooler, with a custom arched door to fit the old stonework.
2. A woman who sings lead (competently) on Journey and Guns n' Roses songs is awesome.
-The Big House Band featured an extremely large guy and the aforementioned gal on vocals, and they were impressive. Her voice did not match her appearance at all. His did... think John Popper of Blues Traveler. He also played some good saxophone. In my own personal opinion the bass player was the highlight of the band. I'm a sucker for bass. I had to thank him after their set and I think he appreciated it... bassists are notoriously overlooked.
3. A man who will sing Neil Diamond in a club full of twenty-somethings deserves a tip.
-Domenick Swentosky was the upstairs performer. He sang a lot like Willie Nelson in that his vocals seemed to be half a beat behind the music. Impressive setlist, great sax and harmonica, a very unique performance in a world of cookie-cutter artists. He performed Sweet Caroline by request and pulled off Tom Petty quite well also.
4. Bullrider or not, some scars need to remain hidden, mmmkay?
-Our first interaction was with a tattooed, very intoxicated and exuberant bullrider from Texas, hat and all, who insisted on simulating his riding technique on the barstool next to me. Repeatedly. He also had to show off all his rodeo scars, which involved removing his shirt at least once. Fortunately he found another audience so if he had any scars below the belt I was spared from seeing them.
5. Any pizza is good at 2 AM.
-In the main hall to the club there is a small snack-bar type counter (sign on wall: "If you grab pizza you will be charged double!" Despite the plexiglass shields I guess there are some enterprising drunks who made this a problem.) I'm not a big fan of plain or pepperoni pizza, and I'm picky about it besides. But we'd eaten early, so by closing time that pizza was smelling gooood. The clubgoers seemed to have a custom of buying a slice as they filed out of the door, so we joined in, then sat on the prison steps outside eating our pepperoni pizza (which was just as good as it smelled, by the way.) Having that snack bar there as people leave is genius.
6. What seems to be a lucky break- getting a free parking spot directly in front of a downtown club- is not so great when it's blocked in by police cars.
-As we finished our pizza, a fight broke out across the street. I hadn't seen a good fight in ages so naturally I went to observe/pick a side/cheer on the bruisers. However, I learned a city fight is serious business, unlike a redneck bar fight where the only stipulation is "take it outside, y'all!" In this case, bouncers with headsets acted like a SWAT team, swarming the lot across the street and yelling for those not involved to get back on bar property. Police were there in seconds. (The last redneck fight I saw lasted a good half-hour before a squad car pulled in; I believe they deliberately delayed showing up so they'd miss most of the confrontation. Also, that was a GREAT fight.)
A policeman detained my husband as a witness. We couldn't leave anyway because a squad car was blocking my car. Three more blocked the fight area and two more waited on the street. I counted at least eight police officers (husband says ten) and all for some guy who punched another one in the mouth and a very loud, belligerent drunk woman throwing a slew of foul language around. The reaction was overkill, if you ask me. Let 'em fight... there are shootings and drug deals and other far more serious crimes all those policemen could be stopping.
7. If a bartender doctors a drink by adding sugar, find another bartender.
- I hate sugar in my drinks, with the exception of coating a lemon wedge for lemon drop shots. I asked the lady for a bubblegum Three Olives shot because I'd never tried it. She gave me the shot but added cherry vodka and something else, with the result tasting *exactly* like gagnasty cough syrup. When I made a face, she took the shot and dumped it in a rocks glass with some other stuff, then added sugar... that was the only drink I did not finish. Bleh. I decided it was time to test-drive the downstairs bar and stuck to Hypnotiq on the rocks after that.
8. Sequins are never completely out of style.
-There was a woman standing on the patio outside the bar, in the dark, but I could see her thanks to her collection of glow-stick bracelets and her sparkly sequined dress. After roaming the rest of the club I realized she was not alone in her bad taste. There were enough sparkly people to fill the cast of the next Twilight movie. Also, the eighties comeback is official thanks to the large number of people wearing blowsy off-one-shoulder belted shirts (one was zebra-striped, even!) And for once *I* was not the one in non-trendy clothes, since white tanks, jeans and black leather NEVER go out of style. I had at least five clones running around.
9. Don't act stupid in front of co-workers.
-This should be a no-brainer, right? Well, we hadn't seen anyone we knew until around midnight, when one of my co-workers found us. By that time I had a nice happy buzz going on. Now, one of the things Hubby and I do is point out attractive people (usually females) to each other. I mean, he usually just sits around while I dance or chat, so a bit of eye candy keeps his boredom at bay. We've done this since we first started dating. Co-workers who have never seen us outside of work don't understand this and immediately suspect us of being swingers when I come up and say "hot chick in the black mini, check her out!" Gonna be some fun gossip at work this week. Woot.
10. My husband is not always the tallest guy in the bar.
-Last night he was out-sized by a musclebound meathead in a pink polo shirt and a biker who looked like he ate the last person who crossed him. Good times.
Pizza with red chile and parmesan rocks. That is all.
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