No, This Is Normal... Really

When married to a redneck, one of the things one has to get used to is the variety of things said person will bring home. And by variety, I don't mean just beer, dirt, and his strange cousin with the eye twitch, but also homemade explosives, stinkbait, weapons, and dead animals, or just parts of animals.

Take tonight, for example. I was sitting here, happily typing away, when B came in the door toting a deer leg. I just stopped what I was doing and waited. I know rifle season is over, and all edible parts of the deer he shot are present and accounted for in my freezer, so an extra entire back leg required some explanation. I also knew the story behind it probably, at this point in our marriage, would not surprise me. He dumped the skinned and still bloody leg on the counter and said, matter-of-factly, "It still has some hair on it. I'll have to clean it up." I waited. And stared at Blitzen's left haunch dripping on my freshly-cleaned countertop. Once he got out his knives, he explained.

It seems that on his way to work, B saw a man and his boy along the road with a deer. Assuming they'd hit it, he stopped to see if they needed help. They did, but not in a car-related way. The man's neighbor had hit the deer, then called the guy, who proceeded to go collect it sans any type of knife or gun. The buck had a broken leg or two and was still alive, and most folks hereabouts won't let a deer suffer if they can help it. Also, that's good meat if it wasn't a body hit.

B let the man borrow his hunting knife, the buck was dispatched, and then came the issue of how the man was going to get it home, as he didn't have his truck with him. (Not the best planning on his part, but it was a sudden thing, so whatever.) Since he lived on B's route to work, they loaded it in the bed and B dropped it off at the guy's barn. On his way home this afternoon, the same guy was standing out by the road, flagged him down, and presented him with the deer leg as thanks for the help. That's country for you.

That is why, just a short while ago, my husband was in my kitchen with a hacksaw, cutting Blitzen-butt into steaks and such and I was bagging the extra chunks to grind later. A redneck wife just does that kind of thing, you know? I also don't complain about "roadkill" as long as I know where, when, and how it was hit, and I'm fine with it because the deer didn't suffer too long. Also, it's a lot better than some of the other things he's dragged home.

Shut up. I'm exempt from that statement.