Afterburn

Christmas was good this year, despite the fact that we're about to be crushed under an avalanche of chocolate. After-holiday candy sales rock, except I tend to go overboard, thinking "well, I can freeze it for later" or "they're peppermints, they last forreeever!"

Yeah right.

No chocolate that enters my house has ever seen the inside of my freezer, except in the form of ice cream. Now, it WILL sit on the table or desk for a while, because I go through craving phases, but then the ol' hormones will kick in and an entire box of Russel Stover turtles or Gertrude Hawk Smidgens will magically disappear overnight. (Coconut Custard Smidgens do not stand a chance. I have to ask the husband to hide them from me.)

I also baked this year, and thought I was doing good by giving away all but the few broken cookies. Then family and friends returned the favor with more piles of baked goods. I am a cookie monster like my dad... they're second only to cake... so those are cool. But someone sent over an entire pumpkin roll, cheesecake, and other delectables. Now, I'm not typically overweight, but who can resist anything with cream cheese in it? I gained 4 lbs in 2 weeks and I truly don't care. I'm off work for a month and I'm hibernating, so there.

Yesterday, I realized I was tired of sweets. Yes, really. I was having a serious jones for cheese, meat, pasta, anything without a buttload of sugar in it. (Indirect pun intended. That's where all the sugar goes, after all.) When I stopped at the grocery for milk I was giving the eye to a can of spray cheese... one item that has never been in my house, mainly because I can't stand the stuff... but there I was, at the beginning stages of drool, contemplating E-Z Cheez. I had to get a real-food fix and fast. Had to stave it off with a tuna sammich till dinnertime.

I also realized that I got a beautiful, shiny, full-sized bottle of top shelf vodka for Christmas and I haven't even cracked it open yet. It's been chilling in the freezer because... well, pumpkin roll and vodka are a horrible combination. Trust me on this. I prefer to enjoy my vodka without any accompaniment other than a couple olives or a pepperoncini. On New Years Eve I'll be staying in, away from the crazies on the road, getting happily buzzed and surfing Teh Innernetz. I'll have the scanner on in the hope that someone, somewhere, will top the Burger-King-Hat-Wearing Drunk Goat* police call from a few years ago.

Ghirardelli Eggnog chocolate squares rock. That is all.

*Funniest thing I have EVER heard over the scanner.