Good Gravy!

I love gravy. I'm certain it will be one of the staples on the buffet in Heaven because, hey, it's GRAVY. And gravy = ambrosia. Did you see that episode of King of the Hill, where the sushi restaurant in Arlen served sushi rolls with gravy liberally poured on top? I have no doubt that someone has done that in real life. Rice and gravy goes together like... well, rice and gravy. And that's a hard habit to break for some of us.

Against the demands of the Southern half of my blood, I have tried not to make gravy too often. It's grease, flour, and salt, basically, none of which are healthy- which is why it's sooo gooood. However, I do indulge from time to time. It's harder than you'd think to turn out a perfect pan of the stuff. It took quite a while for me to get the knack and I still don't have 100% success. My mom makes the best ever, but when asked for her secret, she just says "Stirring" and kind of smiles to herself. I think she adds a pinch of crack cocaine. It's that addictive.

After many nights watching her do her magic, I finally figured out the secret to making the absolute best gravy in the world, and even though she's probably going to disown me for this, I'm going to share the recipe right here on the blog. Yes, you are about to learn how to have the most delicious food topping imaginable... put it on biscuits, pour it over rice, mix it up with your taters... I guarantee you won't find better anywhere.

To begin:
Open all your cabinets, cupboards, pantry. Find all of those little envelopes of gravy mix, the kind you make with water. Also pull out any jars of pre-made gravy you have, doesn't matter what flavor- it's all going to get mixed together anyway. If you have any in cans, even better... add 'em to the pile.

Now get a huge mixing bowl, the biggest you have, or a stockpot, or any container large enough to hold all that stuff. A five-gallon bucket works well. Put your container next to the counter and sweep the entire mess of that garbage labeled "gravy" into it and carry it outside to the trash bin or dumpster. Dispose of it without another thought. Then go to my mom's house and wait for her to feed you. (She will... southern women are born and bred that way.) If you're extremely lucky, you'll get shrimp gravy; otherwise expect chicken gravy, unless it's between paydays, in which case hamburger n' onion gravy will be served. And that's okay, because it doesn't matter what kind it is, Mom's will be better than any other you've had.

That's my own family recipe right there. I'm hopeful that in another ten or twenty years, I'll have it down myself, but until then... Mom rocks. That is all.