Chartreuse and Periwinkle

Mood: melancholy
Tune: "Little Conversations" Concrete Blonde

I'm in one of those moods tonight. Just blah, kinda here, kinda not... introspective. I should go to bed early but I don't feel like dealing with tomorrow just yet, and the sooner I sleep the sooner I'll have to wake up and go full-tilt again. I'm not in a full-tilt frame of mind.

I used to draw all the time. Last night I was IM'ing with my best friend, and something he said just triggered the sudden and unexpected urge to pick up a pencil. I bought a new sketch pad some months ago; I was saddened when I realized I'd used it for the first time only last night. I loved the feeling of whipping an idea onto paper in minutes, like I used to, and having a whole theme for several subsequent sketches already in mind...

And yet... the sketch pad lies closed, inspiration waned, no more than a wistful recollection of enthusiasm remaining. I wish I could get that back. I WANT to draw, but I look at the page and see nothing but blank paper where once I'd have envisioned wild mustangs or sarcastic cartoons or a friend, sound asleep, an unguarded moment captured in graphite... Sleeping people were always some of my favorite subjects.

Where did that go? Where did my obsessive love for Prismacolors and charcoal run away to, and why did it abandon me when for the longest time it was my preferred form of expression? Once upon a time, I lusted after Rapidograph pens... searched determinedly for the perfect nib for that ink drawing I had in mind... combed the art-supply store for the one shade of color I didn't have... And now, other priorities have pushed that all behind me.

I want that feeling back. I need to create! I need to color! I need to... what's that, honey? The porch rails need painting? *Sigh* Better than nothing, I guess... At least I'll get to go buy some paint.